It's been a while

I think I need to start using this as a diary. Things happen and I don't remember them or only remember part of them. Today I called a company that had charged my debit card for $1. My account was overdrawn, so that was an extra chunk of money. When I called the number listed on my statement, it turned out to be for a medical discount card. I never would have said OK to that. Then they mentioned the $100 gas card come-on. That I remembered! That is the only part I remember. I would not have approved it if they were going to charge my card before I saw the program. Well at least the bank is going to reverse the charge and the NSF charge. Life is expensive enough.

This business with my memory bothers me. I have times like now when I feel dizzy and floaty. I can make sense, but not if I am given too much stimulation. Right now I would get really pissed if someone interrupted me. These are the days when calls like that come in. Or someone beeps in on call-waiting. There never seems to be anyone doing that except when I feel weird.

Maybe I am feeling this way because I worked on cleaning the pool today which I am not supposed to do. Sean's going to help me with the pool tomorrow. Seems like I always have to start on a project by myself before I get help. I have had dinner while I was typing this and I feel a little better.

My niece is in jail again. She has been there since March. This may be her "third strike". At least she has not been bugging me. I still keep waiting for "pay phone" to show up in the Caller ID.

The pain is intense today

I have had a really crappy day today. At least I slept well last night…and all afternoon! I don’t know what started it, I didn’t do anything strenuous. I have been having headaches all week, but today I developed a hot pain along the drain for my shunt. It’s ridiculous, I need an ice pack for the pain in my head, but I need heat for the pain in my neck and running down my chest. I would be really worried if I were running a temperature, then it might be an infection. This is supposedly scar tissue running along the tubing. When I ended up in tears I took a Darvocet and a Tramadol. When they kicked in I got so drowsy that I ended up in bed for the afternoon. Shannon’s mother called and I am surprised that I managed to make sense to her and get a message. It took all of about 5 seconds for me to fall asleep again. Sean even came in the room, after he knocked on the door and left the mail for me. I was totally unaware of it.

I’ve taken the Darvocet and Tramadol again before the pain gets too bad. I really hate that I have 2 shelves in my room that look they belong in a pharmacy. I get most of my meds in 90-day supplies, so there are several bottles of each thing that I have to keep track of. My pain specialist won’t write 90-day prescriptions for 3 things because they are controlled substances. He doesn’t want to risk having them stolen from the mail. I guess it is wise but it is a bit of a pain to keep track of which meds get filled every three months.

I suppose it could be worse; I could be without treatment for the pain. It’s so stupid that this all started when I was trying to tie my shoe. It just seems like it has been downhill ever since. I can’t really look at it like that. I had developed osteoarthritis in my knees in my early 20’s. It seems to be in all of my joints now. It is the worst in my knees and thumbs. Why my thumbs? The hydrocephalus was supposedly there all of my life. It might explain the bad headaches I have had for years. I thought they were caused by allergies and sinus congestion. I need to get my head around managing the pain like someone would manage diabetes. It just hurts so bad to walk some days. I think I look like the chimpanzees in the original “Planet of the Apes”; all hip movement and no knee.

I am going to go watch the stuff I taped tonight. I am leaving Raina upstairs again tonight. After she woke me at 3:30 am the night before last, I need to have her sleeping with the other dogs. This way she will already be out of my room when I have one of the pregnant dogs move in.

Hi there! I'm still around, just have been busy

If you check my blog at www.monsterpuppies.com, you'll see why I have been very busy since July. Even though some days I didn't think I would make it, I loved having the puppies here. I am looking forward to our next bunch. My daughter-in-law is interested in showing Cavaliers, so we are planning for the future there. We will need to find a breeder that sells show quality dogs.

The drought here in Georgia has been getting a lot of publicity. I am concerned about it. I'm wondering about shutting down the pool. I hate to let the water go unused. I wish I had something to store it in so that it can be used later. I have to partially drain the pool so that the plumbing is not damaged by freezing. You never know how our winters will be. Some years they are very warm and I would not have to shut down the pool. Then we also have winters with sub-freezing temperatures for days. Those are the ones I am concerned about.

I am also concerned about my memory. I called one of Zoe's friends the other day because I could not remember if I had let her know that Zoe is gone. It turns out that I did contact her in 2005. I am thinking very hard about giving her the link to this blog. She and Zoe were very close and this woman was touched by the abuse that occurred in our family. It's a very tough call. I am working on a very long email to her that covers what happened to Zoe with her last surgery. I am thinking of giving her the link to let her know it would explain a lot of Zoe's behavior and she can read it or not. I don't know yet I am going to do. I keep remembering the old saying about letting sleeping dogs lie.

My thumbs hurt!

I am so tired I could just cry. Since my finches are gone, I wanted to clean the floor in my room. I had rolled up the area rug and put it in the trash the other day. The dog and puppies had just wet it beyond cleaning. So, I spent the entire morning and most of the afternoon moving furniture, vacuuming and mopping the floor. I had been thinking about turning my bed with the long side against the wall, so I tried it. I even lay down and watched my soap to try it out. It was a good idea, but I didn’t like it. So I ended up putting it back where it was this morning. I had my son help me move my dresser into my room. I was a little tired of realizing that I needed a bra and nearly stepping out in front of someone. Now I can dress in privacy. I still have some other moves to make, but didn’t want to push my help too hard today. After all, he was going to his in-law’s house to clean it around 5:00 pm.

I took my dishes upstairs to wash them after my meal of canned red beans and rice (ooo, yum; NOT). The sink was so full of dirty dishes from yesterday and the day before, I ended up doing an hour’s worth of dish washing. I hate it. Washing utensils is so painful. Any pressure against my thumbs is awful! I scraped the remains of last night’s casserole into the trash with my hands. I wish I could let the others here feel this pain once and they might appreciate what it takes for me to do the dishes for everyone. I think I’m just crabby because we ran out of cigarettes and don’t have any money. Maybe I should look at it as a good thing.

Oh yeah, I was right about the squirrel's cage. I had to throw one of the towels away it was so nasty.

"T" strikes again!

New trouble with my niece, the guy who took her junker car came by the other day. He had been to the tag office to transfer the title and get tags for the car. The second title showed up on the computer. A flag was put on his personal car tags and driver’s license. If he cannot show that he has a legitimate title by Sept. 29, they will suspend his tag and license. I was just sick! I had forgotten that ‘T’ had gotten a duplicate title. One of her drug dealer friends tried to use the second title to transfer the car into her name. Now we need ‘T’ to go to the tag office to prove that the car is being transferred legally. I don’t want to see her. I am not really needed, but I am the connection to ‘T’ so I have to be involved so she will go with us to straighten this mess out. The guy with the car has a friend who does title transfers for a car dealer. He has provided her with copies of all of my documentation about the car loan and the release ‘T’ signed so I could get her car when she was in the county jail. If this woman can make this happen, I won’t have to see my niece. I should know in about an hour, a very long hour.

Marta, the ultimate bitch!

My sister bit my finger about 5 years ago. She was in a lot of pain that day from her Crohn’s Disease. She said she hurt so much she could just bite me. I was a smartass and stuck my finger near her face. Big mistake, she chomped down hard enough to bruise me, but stopped short of drawing blood. I didn’t quite understand what she meant that day, but I do now! I gave my finches away yesterday and did a little more of the moving and loading work than I should have. I awoke at 5:30 am this morning because I was dreaming about pain and then was awake enough to feel the pain.

It’s rather ridiculous how much pain medicine I can take when I am like this and it doesn’t even make a dent. Last night I had 2 Darvocet, then a Tramadol and finally resorted to Vicodin. I wasn’t even goofy! I walked my dog a short time ago and just her pulling on the leash hurt my back. I stopped in the driveway to stretch my hamstrings. I didn’t think showing off my ass on the street was a good idea. The neighbors may be accustomed to me walking the dog in my nightshirt in the morning, but I think bending in half as far as I can and showing my undies would be pushing the boundaries of eccentricity.

I have a long day ahead. My son and I are going to Dahlonega. We owe a breeder there a stud fee for our Cocker Spaniel. They were going to take the pick of the litter, but the litter ended up being only 1 puppy. Instead we are giving them 2 female Yorkies and getting a breeding pair of Cavalier King Charles Spaniels in exchange.

Talk about being stupid: I just cleaned the puppies’ playpen. I leaned over the side to clean the bottom and sides with Fantastic. Of course the bed and the bottom pad had to be cleaned too. It’s not as good a job as I would like, but I just can’t do any more. I have this feeling that I will end up taking care of any litters we have in the future. The squirrel has been using the same towels since it arrived and its cage is dirty. I just fear that the animals will get sick if their areas are not cleaned regularly. But then that squirrel is the exception to that rule!

I am convinced that my son and DIL think I have OCD. That’s because I remember when its trash night, I load the dishwasher when there are dishes in the sink, I wipe the stove when its dirty, I wash dishes that don’t fit in the dishwasher, I collect glasses and dishes from the various rooms and put them in the dishwasher, I throw away empty soda cans and beverage bottles, I put empty shopping bags in the bag holder, and on and on and on ad nauseum. I went upstairs to let the dogs out and wash my few dishes. One of the dogs had crapped in her crate, so that had to be cleaned up. Her blanket was covered in feces and soaked with urine. I threw it down the basement stairs so it could be washed and knocked over a glass dish that has been sitting on the stairs for weeks. The blanket landed on a box of jewelry which has also been on the stairs for the same amount of time. I think there is shit on some of it, but I don’t care. Then I had to clear out one sink to have a place to wash my dishes. I had a couple of containers that I wanted to put in the dishwasher. It was full and had not been run, something I find frequently. I did find a detergent tablet in it already, so I guess someone just forgot to turn it on. So I started the dishwasher then washed my dishes. I was going to leave the stuff in the sink, but I just couldn’t. I washed it and put the stuff on a towel on the stove to dry. I bet I will find things stacked up higher and the towel folded over so the stove can be used. Maybe a burning towel will show my family that putting the clean dishes away would be more sensible.

I know that I was raised by a tyrant who went too far with his rules about housework. I know that many times I am responding to his conditioning rather than what the situation really requires. But I do not think I am that nuts when I expect basic cleanliness. Put dirty dishes in the dishwasher, throw away your empties, put things away after you use them; I think its just simple logic. At least I know some stuff gets done when I do something like write a blog entry like this and tape it to the back door. It just pisses me off that I have to be a bitch to get people off their asses.

I'm pissed and acting pissy again

It is difficult to live with adult children. Especially if it is in the house I worked for many years. Mine do not seem to have any of the pride in it that I felt. When they got married I tried to offer them a sense of ownership by moving into a room in the basement. I told them the upstairs was theirs, feel free to decorate and make any changes.

I try to stay downstairs as much as I can. The dogs and the ferrets rule the upstairs. The hall light switch was broken at least three weeks ago. I have offered to help repair it, but still the hall is dark. The problem is that often there is dog shit in the dark. When the light still worked I would clean up the mess muttering to myself. I think the light will remain broken until I either fix it myself or force my son to fix it.

This morning when I was outside with my dog I found the Polaris (the pool cleaner) lying on the ground. I didn’t really just find it today, I saw it last week after my son and DIL had friends over to use the pool. It is difficult for me to lift the Polaris and the water it contains to put it back in the pool. I stupidly assumed that it would be taken care of later. They had been drinking that night and probably forgot it. Now the dogs are chewing on it. The dogs consider anything on the ground fair game. That’s why I have wire fencing around the filter and power switch for the pool, they have been chewed.

We are supposed to be getting a breeding pair of Cavalier King Charles Spaniels this week. I have been saying since we found out this was happening that the outside pen needs to have the weeds cut down. I go unheard. I cannot do it. Oh I can, but the price in pain is bad. I finally sold the lawn mower because all of the “to-do” lists that included anything to do with the mower went unfinished.

When they go on vacation, I kill myself cleaning their room and as much of the upstairs as I can. There is months of dirty laundry, dirty glasses and empty drink cans in there. I should have known how things would be based on their cars. The cars smell of McDonald’s French fries and there are dozens of empty soft drink cans. I have to clear a spot to sit if I have one of them take me somewhere. I keep thinking that all I want is routine clean-up, not spring-type scrubbing. I would love to see someone else care enough to vacuum the dog room of all of the hair the dogs shed. I would love to see the mess made by the ferrets vacuumed periodically.

I don’t know what the answer is. We are financially and in my case physically dependant on each other. I just can’t let go of some of my expectations.